


Perforated Memories

by meanderingmirth



Category: VIXX
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-03
Updated: 2015-12-03
Packaged: 2018-05-04 16:23:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5340680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meanderingmirth/pseuds/meanderingmirth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sanghyuk is missing his heart and his memories, but Jaehwan is still here for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perforated Memories

**Author's Note:**

> magic/mystery story. I’m easily influenced by images and this whole story was [no exception](http://i.imgur.com/3AiQLvO.jpg/).
> 
> Somewhat inspired by Howl’s Moving Castle, but it’s only an idea I picked up on from the series; I’ve been wanting to write an actual HMC!AU so I’m saving the plot for that future story =w= I overdid the syrupy emotions on purpose; I’m sorry for any cavities that might follow.
> 
> The song recommendation for this story is Oh My Girl's 'Closer'.
> 
> enjoy!

Jaehwan sleeps like the dead nowadays anyway, so Sanghyuk doesn’t bother moving the lamp into the other room as he curls up under the little halo of light with the textbook. He turns the thin, delicate pages slowly as he reads, skimming over the faded ink sketches, the old archaic language and measurements for each potion, the unintentionally grotesque diagrams of transformations and after-effects of each brew. The more he reads, the happier he is about the progression in apothecaries and potion-making. The picture of a man writhing as his bones began to shrink was rather disturbing to look at.

The pile of blankets next to him rustles, and then a dazed voice murmurs, “Sanghyuk?”

He sits up straight and closes the textbook, leaning forwards until his body blocks the lamplight.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” he asks, and Jaehwan shakes his head. He sits up slowly in bed, and the collar of the oversized knit sweater dips low down his sternum. Tendrils of tattoos peek out from beneath the wool, curling along collarbones and running over pectorals. Jaehwan crawls over and the hay-stuffed mattress rustle with every move.

“Go back to bed,” Jaehwan scolds, taking Sanghyuk by the wrist. “Why are you staying up so late? It’s not good for you and you know it.”

He’s not really listening, not when his attention’s caught by the pale column of Jaehwan’s neck gleaming in the light. Sanghyuk slides wordlessly forwards and tucks his face into the crook under Jaehwan’s chin. Ignoring the sleepy little yelp coming from the older man, he flicked his tongue over the Adam’s apple and bit down gently, blunt teeth scraping over skin.

“No— go to sleep, you little fool,” Jaehwan says, but he’s allowing Sanghyuk to push him back anyway. The flop together onto the pillows and across the quilt, Sanghyuk chasing Jaehwan down. He feels a spur of energy he didn’t have before and he quickly pushes the sweater off Jaehwan’s right shoulder, tracing over the smooth curve with his palm. His fingers shake.

Jaehwan’s hand closes over his and steadies him. “Sleep,” he says, one more time, and Sanghyuk squeezes his eyes shut.

“Don’t want to,” he mumbles, untangling his fingers from Jaehwan’s. He slides slowly down Jaehwan’s front until he’s propping himself up on his elbows between Jaehwan’s legs. Jaehwan frowns at him a little, but he’s indulgent, too fond of Sanghyuk to say anything else when Sanghyuk tugs at the strings on his sleep trousers and tugs them down Jaehwan’s hips. He’s bare underneath, forgoing underwear when he’s headed to bed. Sanghyuk closes his fingers around Jaehwan’s cock, giving it light, rhythmic strokes as he leans forwards and sucks the tip into his mouth.

Jaehwan moans, his voice low in the stillness of their shared room, and Sanghyuk takes more of it in, further, deeper, until Jaehwan’s pulling at his hair, panting Sanghyuk’s name harshly as he comes, twitching. His back lifts off the mattress to form an uneven arch before he collapses back down with the grace of a fallen angel. Sanghyuk sits up and wipes his mouth, smiling. Jaehwan’s pupils are blown wide and now that he’s dwindling out of his high, the elder scoffs and forces himself to get up. He crawls over Sanghyuk’s bent legs and blows out the lamp on the desk with a firm puff of breath.

The room plunges into nothingness and a darkness so thick Sanghyuk could scoop handfuls of it up in his bare palms. But at the moment, Jaehwan’s hands have sought his out and are occupying them. They guide Sanghyuk forwards until he’s lying down on the bed, wrapped up in the quilt and in Jaehwan’s arms.

“What’s gotten into you?” Jaehwan murmurs, pressing soft kisses to his cheeks.

“Dunno,” Sanghyuk yawns, sinking further into the embrace. “Felt like doing something for you, that’s all.”

Jaehwan’s silent for a moment, and then he says, “If you want to do something for me, then go to sleep.”

“That’s all I do nowadays anyway,” Sanghyuk complains, but he’s feeling drowsy already. He dozes as Jaehwan’s fingers rub soothing circles into his upper arms, leaving behind trails of warmth and something familiar that surfaces from under his skin but does not break away. Like a shadow beneath open waters, the feeling remains by his side until weariness claims him, and Sanghyuk falls asleep.

+

He’s a tired, sloth-like being, though that is not his intention. Sanghyuk can see that he’s got a well-built physique, defined muscles and a broad, powerful stance. He stands taller than Jaehwan on the days that he can stand, but otherwise he’s curled up on the bed, the floor, or in the chair. Sometimes, if he’s feeling up for it, Jaehwan would help him out into the pasture and Sanghyuk would sit outside all day, basking in the sunlight as he sketched or read and Jaehwan goes off to do whatever it is magicians do when they need to go out.

He could do so much more, but as it stands, Sanghyuk cannot, because he has no heart.

It was taken from him, somehow, in a situation he cannot remember.

Jaehwan’s theory is a magical experiment gone wrong, and but Sanghyuk’s skeptical on that one.

“I don’t feel any magic in me,” he told Jaehwan once, when Jaehwan showed him how to do tricks with little bits of fire. “Besides, it’s not really something I think I’ll be interested in anyway.”

Jaehwan’s little dancing fires died out at that, and he when looked at Sanghyuk his expression was odd and sad.

“But who doesn’t love magic?” he asked, and Sanghyuk had to agree he had a point. They don’t really talk about it again.

He’s stayed with Jaehwan for a long time now, nearly five years since the magician found Sanghyuk lying in the middle of the road in a little city, dazed and disoriented, a cavity sitting in the confines of his chest and memories slipping from his grasp as Jaehwan held his face with shaky hands and begged Sanghyuk to stay awake. They reside in a little cottage down in a valley of perpetual summers, which Jaehwan claims will be good for Sanghyuk’s health. As good as it could get anyway, for a heartless person.

Jaehwan leaves for business from time to time, often magic-related work, and often for weeks on end, but he’s always away the longest it’s for any member of the royal family. He hates working for the royals, especially during this disastrous war they’ve started, and that’s something Sanghyuk seemed to know even without Jaehwan telling him. The best stories came from Jaehwan’s visits to the merchants at sea, who sailed into the waves and brought back nets of writhing fish and milky-white pearls from the depths of the ocean.

“I’ll take you there, one day, when we get your heart back,” Jaehwan said as he tipped an entire bag full of brightly coloured shells into Sanghyuk’s palms. “You’ll love it. The air is so fresh, and the food is so good. And the horizon; it makes you feel like you can just go on forever without an end.”

“Sounds amazing,” Sanghyuk breathed in response, legs tucked beneath him from where he’s sitting with his back pressed against Jaehwan’s front. He tilts his head up and kisses the underside of Jaehwan’s chin, and the magician’s arms tightened around him. “I’ll look forwards to it.”

He still looks forwards to it today, when he’s sipping tea out of a handmade mug. The potions book is open on the table again, and Sanghyuk diligently reads through each set of instructions while Jaehwan dices onions in the kitchen. Every now and then he uses the back of his wrist to swipe away the little beads of watery salt that leak out of his big eyes, and Sanghyuk has to smile at the image of an accomplished magician shedding tears over something as simple as cutting onions.

“Why not just use your magic?” he calls teasingly, and Jaehwan shoots him a mock glare over his shoulder.

“You cannot use magic to make your own food,” Jaehwan retorts with an almighty sniffle. “It’s not the same as using your hands to cook and you know it.”

“Alright, alright,” Sanghyuk replies, laughing as he turns another page. His fingertips feel numb sometimes, even though his blood runs strong. For it’s not the literal organ that’s missing from inside of him in any way, but the spirit of the heart— an irreplaceable part of a  _person_ — that is missing from him.

Sometimes, Sanghyuk wonders if the him that is now is who he really is from before.

+

Jaehwan has four friends that show up from time to time. They’re all very interesting fellows, and people that dabble in different kinds of magical arts. They give off strange vibes every time Sanghyuk sees them. In a month’s time, it’s Hakyeon who comes bearing fruits. Quite literally; a basket of blood-red apples, bunches of plump grapes, teardrop pears and sharp-scented oranges for them. Jaehwan grows a lot of beautiful vegetables in their backyard, but they don’t have any fruits here.

“I love the feeling of this place,” Hakyeon sighs as he gazes out over the pristine lake, mirror-smooth save for the ripples that fold the waters over whenever a light breeze dances across. The eldest of the group, Hakyeon always looks like he’s carrying some unseen burden, and his magic thrums with ancient energy. “Whenever I come I always feel like time has stopped. The beauty never changes here. It’s eternal.”

“And I take great pride in maintaining it that way,” Jaehwan proclaims. He slices a corner of the coffee cake off with the side of his fork and holds it out for Sanghyuk, who’s resting against Jaehwan’s bent legs, to eat. They’re having a picnic together as per Hakyeon’s request, because only fools would not stand in awe at the pastoral beauty that is Jaehwan’s valley. Even if the world were to end, Sanghyuk had the strange feeling that this little paradise will still remain untouched.

“I wish the rest of the world could look like this,” Hakyeon muses, flicking his light green hair out of his eyes. “I mean, there are nice places and all, but this here is what we should all aspire to keep.”

“Jaehwan said the ocean is just as nice,” Sanghyuk comments, thinking of the destructiveness of the war Jaehwan tells him about sometimes. It sounds so far away, especially when it can’t reach the glen. “I’d like to go see that one day. There’s only so many times you can spend sitting around in flower patches, you know?”

Hakyeon is looking at him with a funny expression on his face.

“The ocean, huh?” he says, slanting Jaehwan a look. Jaehwan does not reply, and his motions are stiff and jerky as he cuts Sanghyuk another piece of cake to eat. Sanghyuk bites into the proffered food and frowns.

“Jaehwan... this tastes like ash.”

“What? Oh, I—” Jaehwan flusters as he looks down at the plate in his hands. Then, with a slightly disappointed look, he places it down onto the picnic blanket and says quietly, “Sorry. I’ll get you a new slice, Sanghyuk.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Sanghyuk says, bemused. He slides his fingers in between Jaehwan’s limp ones and makes him drop the fork. “That’s fine. I think I’ve had enough to eat anyway.”

“Ah,” Jaehwan says, but nothing else follows. Hakyeon is watching the two of them, and was it just Sanghyuk’s imagination, or did he look both sad and pitying as well?

+

Jaehwan’s hips are warm under his nerveless fingers when Sanghyuk tries to find his grip on the sharp jut of bones protruding from Jaehwan’s narrow frame. His legs are sliding all over the place on the mattress, unable to find the strength to prop them up. It’s frustrating, not being able to give back, but Jaehwan just places a hand against Sanghyuk’s still chest and pants,  _let me, let me, Sanghyuk,_  and he gives up.

Jaehwan rides him slowly at first, languid rolls of his hips that gave off a kind of overwhelming pressure that Sanghyuk was never ready for. He curses and writhes until the faint amount of energy he has is used up and he’s a boneless heap on the bed, completely at Jaehwan’s mercy.

“Love the way you look at me,” Jaehwan sighs, his generous lips curving upwards into a beautiful smile as he looks down at Sanghyuk. “Love it, Sanghyuk, love how your eyes glow when you look at me when I do this.”

“Whose eyes wouldn’t glow when they see you?” Sanghyuk murmurs weakly, clutching at Jaehwan’s thighs now. Jaehwan picks up the pace and moans, scarred knees bracketing Sanghyuk’s sides as he lifts himself up and drops back down. Sanghyuk pants harshly and thumbs over the twin hip piercings sitting right above the pelvic area. Little bits of metal sunken into intricately tattooed flesh, mysteriously cool to the touch despite Jaehwan’s peaking body temperatures, and inexplicably, Sanghyuk is seized by the desire to kiss those spots.

His grip tightens, his nails dig into the flesh of Jaehwan’s thighs, and Jaehwan comes, clenching around Sanghyuk, and it shocks him into his own orgasm as well. Jaehwan collapses on top of him as his hands fall away and his mind is floating somewhere else, perhaps at a different time, where Jaehwan might giggle as Sanghyuk’s lips grazed over the metal and whispered  _you’re driving me crazy, angel_  into the still-healing skin.

“You’re driving me crazy, angel,” Sanghyuk murmurs with the last of his strength, feeling as though he is drifting away into dreams. Distantly, he feels Jaehwan freeze above him and choke out “What did you say?”, but Sanghyuk is already leaving, gone.

+

Hongbin and Wonshik often travel together for convenience and work, so it makes sense that they come for a visit as a pair during the winter. That’s how Sanghyuk keeps track of the time that passes; Hakyeon last visited them during the spring, and now that it’s after the new year’s, Sanghyuk’s calculations tells him he’s been living with Jaehwan for six years already.

It’s been six years, and hard as he might try, he still has no memory of how his heart has gone missing.

Wonshik dyes Sanghyuk’s hair blond under the stone basin outside in the garden, claiming that he needed a change in appearance. Jaehwan had very vocally opposed the suggestion until Sanghyuk interrupted and said that he didn’t mind getting a different hair colour. Jaehwan stepped back then, lips pursed and arms crossed but no longer arguing. He’s talking with Hongbin in the study now, something about the different types of specimens he and Wonshik had come across during their travels while Wonshik pours ladle after ladle of bleach into Sanghyuk’s hair. He grimaces, feeling his scalp twinge at the potion that trickles thick and cold over his naturally black locks, head bowed into the tub, knees resting on one of Jaehwan’s old shirts.

“I don’t know how you do this all the time,” he complains, eyeing Wonshik’s feathery blue hair. Wonshik chuckles as he smoothes a little brush over Sanghyuk’s head.

“You get used to it, and once you do you can try all sorts of crazy colours, like caramel or purple.”

“Jaehwan would throw a fit,” Sanghyuk laughs, watching Wonshik waggle his eyebrows.

“Jaehwan wouldn’t mind if it were you,” his friend says, confidence in his voice. “He’s actually rather fond of the colour purple.”

“Really,” Sanghyuk hums, making a mental note. “I did not know that.”

Wonshik’s hands still on his head for a moment, and then he resumes the motions of combing and massaging the potion in.

“Well, now you do,” Wonshik says airily, and they sit in companionable silence until Hongbin comes out to join them.

“Looking good,” Hongbin says, grinning down at Sanghyuk. “I’ve forgotten how nicely the blond turns out.”

“It’s just Sanghyuk,” Wonshik smiles, his voice fond. “He looks handsome with light-coloured hair.”

Sanghyuk chuckles along with them until he hears the front door open and close. He turns his head and waits until he sees Jaehwan walking around the house to call out to him.

“Hey! How do I look?”

Jaehwan stops at the edge of the smooth dirt path. His funny, pointed shoes are midnight blue and twinkles prettily against the crumbling earth. It’s an interesting image that captivates Sanghyuk’s attention until he realizes that Jaehwan hasn’t replied.

“Jaehwan?” he asks, and that seems to shake Jaehwan out of his stupor.

“You— you look nice,” he says, and he’s smiling fondly as he walks over, pressing a warm palm to the back of Sanghyuk’s neck. “Fair haired, like the hearts of the daisies growing up on the hilltop.”

Sanghyuk laughs. “Cheesy,” he grins, patting Jaehwan’s knee. Jaehwan gives him a strangely tight smile and straightens.

“Don’t you mess with his hair too much,” he warns Wonshik. “If I come back and find that it’s turned bright orange or whatever I’m going to pull your cotton candy hair out by the roots.”

“You literally terrify me,” Wonshik whines as Hongbin and Sanghyuk chortle together. Jaehwan departs them, taking the path down towards the stream behind their house with his tattooed forearms exposed and his hands pressed deep inside his pockets. His loose white shirt billows out as he walks, hair tousling as the breeze combs through naturally wavy brown locks. He looks ethereal, Sanghyuk thinks, blinking as he watches Jaehwan stroll. If the valley and spring was eternal, than Jaehwan was as timeless as the pristine nature surrounding them.

And suddenly, an image of Jaehwan in the war permeates his thoughts, so sharp and quick Sanghyuk almost misses it. But he sees fire, he sees ash, and the sky is dark with smoke and Jaehwan stands in a mixture of snow and debris, blood on his hands as destruction hails around them.

“A little goblin’s gonna come by and grab your tongue if you keep your mouth open for so long,” Hongbin teases, and Sanghyuk retrieves the bottom half of his jaw with a snap. There is no war here. There is nothing that can hurt him; Jaehwan had made sure of that.

“Leave me alone,” he huffs, wiggling uncomfortably as he tries to level his breathing, and yelps when Wonshik pours a whole bucket of ice cold water over his soggy, potion-greased hair.

It’s a good look on him, the blond, and even though Jaehwan seemed hesitant towards the colour at first, he’s anything but skeptical when he sidles behind Sanghyuk in the little bathroom later on that day, arms circling around his waist and fingertips catching in the short buzzcut Wonshik trimmed into the back of his head.

“You look like the sun spent all afternoon kissing your hair,” Jaehwan breathes, his forehead resting against the broad expanse of Sanghyuk’s shoulder. Sanghyuk smiles as he dries his hands on a towel and is about to reply when Jaehwan’s hand moves up on his chest and presses against the left side. Sanghyuk stills, and Jaehwan sighs shakily, his fingertips quivering against the material of Sanghyuk’s shirt.

“Jaehwan?” Sanghyuk asks, worry creeping up on him. Jaehwan has been acting strange lately, and it’s concerning.

Abruptly, like Sanghyuk’s voice had woken him, Jaehwan steps back. His hands slide away and Sanghyuk flinches a little at the loss of warmth around him. His body seems to plunge back into a disturbing kind of motionlessness. He looks over his shoulder and stares. Jaehwan rubs his own neck sheepishly. The gap between them in the bathroom feels chasmic.

“Sorry,” Jaehwan says. “I got a little sentimental about your hair.”

“Sentimental about what?” Sanghyuk asks, curious. Jaehwan chuckles, looking oddly self-conscious.

“I’m fond of the colour, is all,” he says. “I’ve always like it.”

“Ah,” Sanghyuk says, and he finds that he doesn’t know how to reply. Fortunately, Jaehwan immediately fills the little silence.

“Come to bed soon,” the magician says, giving Sanghyuk a lopsided smile as he steps out of the little doorway. Sanghyuk stares after him, and then looks back into the mirror. His hair is light, very light, and the strands feel flimsy and soft to the touch. If he were to look closely, he’d say that it’s bleached nearly platinum-white, less sunshine yellow and more winter sunlight, the kind that dawns beautifully on a clear blue sky on the coldest of days.

The empty cavity inside his chest suddenly flickers, and Sanghyuk nearly tips over in shock at the feeling. But the movement is gone as quickly as it’d come, and he’s left clutching the sink in confusion, hand frantically groping under his shirt, chasing after the motion that had been so prominent only a second ago. But the skin is disappointingly still, and he drops his hand after a moment of unresponsiveness. He has to bite his lip to stop the frustrated cry from welling up. He felt it, the ghost of a beat beneath his chest, and it was so close he could practically feel it kick back into life under his skin.

But the feeling is already fading, and all Sanghyuk could do is shake and look into the reflection in the mirror, watch the sweat drip from his temples and look into the eyes of a stranger, someone that is him and another man at the same time.

+

Taekwoon doesn’t come often, but when he does, it’s sometimes as a magician, and sometimes as a bird. He certainly looks and acts like a bird most of the time anyway, with his piecing eyes, sleek movements and lean, muscled build. He looks efficient, swift. He’s silent a lot of the times too, but Sanghyuk has learned to read in between that. He used to be nervous around Taekwoon, but it’s been years since they’ve met now. Like all other things, Sanghyuk has learned to adjust.

He ruffles Sanghyuk’s hair when he steps into the cottage, mussing up the long bangs. Sanghyuk pretends to pout as he tries to comb his hair back into some semblance of order. The natural black hair has grown out now, inky colour spilling from his roots into the white. Taekwoon watches him struggle for a moment, the black jacket around his shoulders swaying at his sides despite the lack of a breeze inside the cottage.

“When did Wonshik stop by?” he asks, the musical lilt of his voice dancing throughout the room.

“Winter, I think,” Sanghyuk says, turning. “What season is it now?”

“The hot months,” Taekwoon replies, helping himself to a slice of Jaehwan’s pound cake. “Hotter than the valley here.”

“Sounds like a good time to visit the beach,” Sanghyuk grins, and Taekwoon shudders, drawing his jacket tightly around himself.

“You go visit the beach,” he complains.

“I’d like to,” Sanghyuk says wistfully. “Jaehwan says he’ll take me once we get my heart back.”

“Ah,” Taekwoon says, slow. He tips the slice of cake onto a plate and sits down on one of the stools by the kitchen table. He sifts through the cluttered mess, a mixture of Jaehwan’s half-finished sketches, magical textbooks, and Sanghyuk’s novels and the herb he’s sorting. Sanghyuk finds a chair opposite Taekwoon’s and picks up the tray of river stones, waiting patiently. Taekwoon will speak when he’s ready to.

“How many years has it been?” Taekwoon asks, and Sanghyuk looks down at the rounded rocks in his hand, thinking.

“Nearly six years, I think,” he answers. Taekwoon sighs, very softly.

“And you still remember nothing?” he asks, and Sanghyuk shakes his head.

“I’ve been trying,” he says, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater. “Sometimes I’ll get flashes out of the blue, but they never last long. That usually happens when Jaehwan’s around.”

Taekwoon’s eyebrows go up. “Why is that?” he murmurs, and Sanghyuk shrugs.

“It’s the magic, I think,” he hums. “It’s all over the cottage, all over the valley. And since I have a magical condition, it makes sense that I’ll react to it from time to time, I guess.”

Taekwoon’s eyes don’t leave his as he watches Sanghyuk closely. “Maybe there’s more to it,” he finally deigns to reply, and that catches Sanghyuk off guard.

“More to it?” he asks, confused. Taekwoon nods.

“Magic is everywhere, but it always has to form a connection. The stronger the connection it, the longer it lasts. And usually, when the connection is a personal one, it resonates strongest between the two subjects.”

Sanghyuk stares, a nauseatingly confused feeling in his stomach. “What do you mean?” he asks, but something very odd happens then.

A creeping feeling of trepidation crawls up the back of his neck, making the hairs stand up on end. Across the table, Taekwoon stiffens, head jerking to the side. His entire body is a tense line, like a bird sensing danger and waiting to take flight.

And then, the rattling begins.

Everything seems to tremble, from the very core of the earth upwards. The plates on the table quiver. The stones shake, jumping up and down. Sanghyuk leaps to his feet, but he nearly falls over when a particularly sharp jolt makes dust fall from the ceiling and miscellaneous objects crash to the floor. Taekwoon clutches the table as he stands too, and the back door bursts open.

Jaehwan rushes in, his work pants still dirty from where he’d been gardening, and he runs to Sanghyuk’s side first. Arms wrap tightly around him, and Sanghyuk reflexively clings to Jaehwan in a fit of bewilderment.

“What’s going on?” he yells, and something that sounds vaguely mechanic growls from outside.

“Airships,” Jaehwan says, and his eyes are darker, angrier than Sanghyuk’s ever seen. He’s suddenly reminded of the image of Jaehwan standing in the war, and he shivers.

Taekwoon is already walking outside in brisk strides, his coat billowing behind him as he did. Jaehwan’s arms tighten around Sanghyuk as they follow suit, stopping in the doorway of their cottage.

Outside, down in the lower hills of the valley, a giant, hulking silver airship is flying low over the earth. Its shiny metal gleams in the sunlight, harsh on the eyes, and each rotation of its propellors send a swift wind rushing towards them. The grass and flowers bend as the harshness and the waters over the ponds ripple chaotically.

Sanghyuk stares in a mixture disbelief and fear. He’s never seen an airship in the valley before. Jaehwan took great pains to make sure they couldn’t trespass through, but somehow, here they were.

“Jaehwan, I’m going first,” Taekwoon says, and before either of them could say anything the coat became wings, huge expanses of inky darkness that exploded from his back in a flurry of feathers. Sanghyuk jerks back, but the surprise immediately subsides as awe took its place. Taekwoon looks magnificent shooting up into the sky, quickly becoming nothing more that a speck of black as he flies towards the airship.

“Go inside, Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan says, catching his attention. “I’mg going to help Taekwoon. Close the doors and try to cover the windows, and do your best to stay out of sight. Don’t worry about us,” he adds, when Sanghyuk opens his mouth. “We’ll be okay. It’s you I’m worried about.”

“What do you mean?” Sanghyuk asks, confused, but Jaehwan just presses his mouth into a thin line and brushes Sanghyuk’s bangs back.

“You’re vulnerable in the open,” he explains. “The cottage is protected by spells. You’ll be safe there.”

“Alright,” Sanghyuk grumbles. He held Jaehwan’s face in between his hands and leaned in, giving the magician a soft kiss. “Come back to me.”

Jaehwan smiles, eyes twinkling, and he nods.

“I will,” he replies, and then he’s gone, climbing into the sky as though on invisible stairs. Sanghyuk watches him until he can see neither Taekwoon nor Jaehwan, but then he hears something that sounds like alarms coming from the airship, so he takes it as a cue to return indoors.

No sooner had he set foot inside the cottage did an almighty rumble send him flying onto the ground. Cabinet doors fall open and a crate of glass bottles tips over, smashing onto the ground. Papers slide off the table and scatter around him. Stumbling, Sanghyuk pulls himself to his feet and throws himself against one of the doors before the second quake knocks the door open and the surface he is leaning on gives way. Sanghyuk yelps as he tumbles backwards into the room, landing hard on his ass.

A strange sort of silence washes over him.

He sits up, blinking stars out of his eyes, and slowly gets to his feet. The area around him is oddly still considering the rest of the house had been shaking because of the airship’s appearance. The air is chilly, and the atmosphere is dim. Sanghyuk pauses, looking around him. He sees a bookshelf packed with dusty, leather bound volumes, maps pinned to the plaster, and a table pushed up against the corner. Its surface is empty save for some paper held under a carved stone weight, some calligraphy pens, and a few journals with embossed covers. A little collection of pressed flowers are bundled together on top of crumpled wrapping paper. They look grey in the low lighting of the room.

Sanghyuk takes a step forwards, drawn to the flowers. His motions are slow, compressed, and he feels like he’s walking underwater. A pain is growing in the back of his head and it’s spreading to his temples. He shakes his head, grimacing at the sharpness in his skull as he draws near.

When Sanghyuk touches the dried flowers, the cavity in his chest  _caves_.

He collapses onto the ground, heaving for breath, images pouring through his mind— sitting at the desk, heaps of textbooks open, ink on paper and spells of his own design, late nights and late mornings, warm hands sliding over his shoulders, Jaehwan’s breathy laugh next to his ear and lips against his cheek, a spark of magic flying between them and an excitable kind of joy spreading inside his chest but he can’t contain it, not the way he is now, not when he has no heart to hold the love he feels from his memories of Jaehwan—

Sanghyuk falls to the ground and curls up into a fetal position, gasping for breath. Memories of Jaehwan, before his accident, before his heart was gone. He’d known Jaehwan for many, many years now, but he couldn’t recall it, couldn’t love him right without his heart, but Jaehwan kept him, didn’t let him go.

Tears are leaking out of the corner of his eyes now, and Sanghyuk takes hiccuping little sobs. Where had this room come from? It’s his, is it not? Why had he not noticed it until now?

He opens his mouth, and he can’t tell if he’s actually making any sounds as he whispers Jaehwan’s name. But what he does feel is his love for the magician seeping out of him, escaping into the world and fading into nothingness, all because the painful emptiness inside his chest cannot hold onto his feelings without his beating heart.

+

He wakes to the feeling of fingers carding through his hair, slow and comforting, and he leans into it, groaning weakly. Above him, somebody whispers, “He’s awake,” and then Jaehwan’s voice sounds next to his ear, low and familiar.

“Sanghyuk? Can you hear me?”

He cracks his eyes open and blinks a few times, trying to focus his blurry vision. He sees Jaehwan first, and reaches instinctively for him. Jaehwan clasps his hands and holds them close to his chest, where Sanghyuk to could feel the steady pulse of Jaehwan’s heart.

“How do you feel?” Jaehwan asks, his voice tense, and Sanghyuk forces his groggy mind to think back.

“Okay, I guess? I remember falling down a few times, and the cottage shaking, and the airship— what happened to the airship?”

“It’s gone,” Taekwoon’s voice comes from further down the bedroom, and Sanghyuk lifts his head from the pillowcase, looks past the quilt piled on top of him, and sees Hakyeon, Wonshik and Hongbin standing there as well. They look worn, their faces streaked with ash and flecks of blood, and he gulps. He pushes himself up on the bed and feels Jaehwan’s hands supporting his back.

“What happened? Why are you all here? What’s going on?”

“Take it easy,” Hakyeon soothes, giving Sanghyuk a critical look. Sanghyuk shakes his head, impatient. The bedroom is dark; there is no sunlight coming from behind the curtains. Time must’ve passed, but he couldn’t guess how much.

“I want to know. Was the airship the same ones they use in the war?”

All five magicians exchange looks.

“Yes,” Hongbin says slowly. “They are the latest models used by both the royals and the warring countries.”

“But how did it get into the valley?”

“Magic,” Wonshik rumbles, shaking his head. His hair is a mop of dark, heavy read. “They breached the outsides of Jaehwan’s spells and came through the valley.”

Sanghyuk takes a shuddering breath, and Jaehwan immediately hugs him close.

“It’s alright,” Jaehwan says. “We took care of it. It’s gone now. They won’t be coming back through the here.” He huffs a breath and gives Sanghyuk a tired smile. “It’s you I’m more worried about. Do you know how much of a scare you gave me when Taekwoon and I came back to see you passed out?”

His tone is falsely light, the smile stretched on his face, and Sanghyuk doesn’t buy it for a minute.

“What is that room?” he asks, and Jaehwan’s expression stills. “I fell into the room, and it felt so weird, like I was walking into another dimension. Has that room always been in the cottage? I’ve never seen it, but why— why did I know the place?”  _Why did I think of you, back in that room?_

There is an unmistakable look of hurt beneath Jaehwan’s artfully arranged expression, and he starts to say, “It’s just a room—” but he’s interrupted.

“Jaehwan,” Taekwoon says sharply, eyeing the magician. “You need to tell Sanghyuk.”

“Not— not now,” Jaehwan says, almost automatic, and Hakyeon steps forwards now. He looks sad.

“It’s almost time,” Hakyeon whispers. “Jaehwan, he deserves to know, before everything changes.”

“Know what?” Sanghyuk says, squeezing Jaehwan’s hands, but Jaehwan shakes his head. To Sanghyuk’s horror, his eyes are growing wet with unshed tears. “Jaehwan, don’t cry, what’s happening? What haven’t you told me?”

“I just...” Jaehwan takes a shuddering breath, and presses his lips together until his mouth goes white. “I’m sorry, Sanghyuk. It’s complicated.”

“Please tell me,” Sanghyuk pleads, swinging his legs off the bed. His friends all make motions to stop him, worry on their faces, and he gives them a wry grin. His feet dangles off the bed as Hakyeon collapses onto the mattress beside him, resting his forehead against Sanghyuk’s shoulder. Taekwoon, Wonshik and Hongbin arrange themselves beside Sanghyuk too, warm bodies close around him. Jaehwan gives Sanghyuk a watery smile.

“The room that you fell into,” he begins. “It’s been frozen in time.”

“Frozen in time?” Sanghyuk repeats, eyes widening. “Why?”

“To preserve it,” Jaehwan says. “To hold its natural magic in place, so that it wouldn’t fade or change. It’s a tricky bit of spellcasting, but I did it myself.”

“Why?” Sanghyuk breathes, remembering the strange quality of the room, and how odd it felt to walk through it.

“Because it’s yours,” Jaehwan whispers, eyes glassy with his tears. Sanghyuk’s stomach falls with a swoop. “It was—  _is_ — your study. Everything in there belongs to you. I kept it all in place when I cast the spell.”

“So that’s why I was drawn to it,” Sanghyuk says slowly. “And that’s why I remember you... I’ve known you long before you rescued me in the streets.”

Jaehwan reels back, eyes wide, and Sanghyuk’s hand slips from his hold. “How do you know that?”

Sanghyuk bit his lip. “I felt memories,” he says, watching Jaehwan closely. “Inside that room, I remembered that you were there with me, while I was studying magic. And we were together then too, weren’t we?”

Jaehwan’s hands are pressed over his mouth, and he’s aware of the others watching him in shock as well.

“Yes,” Jaehwan says, his voice muffled. “Yes, yes we were, we were together, we’ve known each other for so long— how did you remember this?”

“The room,” Sanghyuk explains, clenching his hands into the quilt. “I know that I’ve forgotten how to love you because I don’t have a heart.”

Jaehwan sucks in a breath, the tendons in his neck jumping, and blurts out, “We can get your heart back, Sanghyuk.”

His blood runs cold and hot at the same time, and Sanghyuk leaps off the bed, taking wobbling steps towards Jaehwan. His friends yelp, and Jaehwan’s arms around him instantly, his expression full of concern.

“How?” he demands. “Right now?”

“Yes,” Jaehwan nods. “Right this instant.”

“How long have I been out for?”

“A couple of hours,” Jaehwan admits. “We were worried we’d miss the time frame that we needed for this to work.”

“What do you mean?” Sanghyuk asks, confusion swirling in him, and Jaehwan’s lips twitch upwards faintly.

“I think I better show you,” he says, and pulls Sanghyuk towards the door.

Night has fallen outside. The sky is an artistic mess of blue-blacks, with only a few wisps of visible clouds scattered high above them. Brilliant white dots glow in the sky. Sanghyuk has seen the stars before, often when he goes on evening strolls with Jaehwan, but he hasn’t seen them so clearly before. As Jaehwan leads him through the grass, arm around Sanghyuk’s shoulders as he stumbles along in his bare feet, Sanghyuk can see them flashing and some falling.

“Shooting stars?” he asks, and Jaehwan shakes his head.

“Not just shooting stars,” he says. “ _Falling_  stars.”

The words resonate within him, and Sanghyuk exhales shakily. “I’ve heard they only show up every few years.”

“Yup,” Jaehwan nods. “Every five or six years, in fact.”

Sanghyuk turns to look at him. The lights are reflected in Jaehwan’s large eyes. “I’ve been without a heart for that same amount of time,” he says softly, and Jaehwan nods again.

“You were a magician, Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan reveals, his expression filled with a mixture of sadness and fondness. “A hella mischievous one, I might add. Both of us, along with Hakyeon and Taekwoon and Wonshik and Hongbin, were drafted into the royals’ spellcasting division for the war. We all knew the dangers, but you worried so much for me, you tried to find a new source of power so that you might grow stronger and protect me.”

“What did I do?” Sanghyuk choked out. His fingers felt nerveless again.

Jaehwan shook his head, a little smile on his face. “You went and caught a falling star,” he says, nodding up towards the sky. “You traded your heart with a star, made a contract with it, for me.”

The breath seems to have stopped in Sanghyuk’s throat. “What happened afterwards?”

“Well, not a lot of people trade their hearts with starts, for obvious reasons,” Jaehwan chuckles weakly. “The strength of the star’s magic was too strong for you. It knocked you out, and by the time I reached you, you had forgotten everything.”

“That sounds incredibly stupid and one hundred percent something I’d try to do,” Sanghyuk jokes, wanting to ease the tension between them. Jaehwan actually laughs, though it dies out quickly.

“You are quite dumb,” he murmurs, touching the spot on Sanghyuk’s chest, a bit to the left. “But then your heart is good and pure and warm, and you make my head spin with just how much you love me.”

“I want my heart back,” Sanghyuk whispers. “Is the star here tonight?”

Jaehwan nods. “Your magical energies will be drawn towards each other. You can exchange your magic with each other again.”

Sanghyuk looks up into the sky. The streaks of white are landing all over the valley, dancing in brilliant little bulbs of colour in the grass, flowers, and ponds. He can feel his friends’ presence off to the side. “Do we wait?” he asks, and Jaehwan nods in agreement.

“We will have to wait.”

+

He’s not sure how long they sit together on the hill, the cold grass brushing against them as they watch stars fall out of the sky. Sanghyuk’s got Taekwoon’s jacket around his shoulders and Hongbin loaned him a scarf, but he turns down Hakyeon’s offer to get him shoes. The feeling of his feet against the coolness of the earth felt nice, and he didn’t want to lose it just yet.

He feels as though he might’ve doze off at one point, comfortable enough to do so with Jaehwan’s hand combing through his hair again, but then he senses something that makes him sit up.

“Sanghyuk?” Jaehwan asks, his hand sliding out of Sanghyuk’s hair, but Sanghyuk doesn’t respond. His eyes are trained towards the far end of the field, where a star is falling down towards, and he feels the ghost of a  _thud_  echo inside his chest. There’s a compulsion in him now, and it’s strong. He hears Jaehwan say something, feels Jaehwan’s hand on him, but then the star falls a little closer to earth and Sanghyuk instantly  _knows_.

He’s on his feet in a flash, an unnatural kind of energy pulsing through him. Taekwoon’s jacket and Hongbin’s scarf fall off him when he breaks out into a sprint, only vaguely registering his friends yelling and Jaehwan calling his name. He runs and runs and runs, feet slipping and sliding over the grass. High above him, the star’s falling arc is coming closer and closer. His chest is heaving and his shoulders ache at the unexpected physical activity, and Sanghyuk nearly trips and falls into a puddle when he stops directly beneath the star’s fall trajectory.

He holds his hands out, and feels his the heat of two elements crash into his palms the bundle of whiteness finally reaches him: the star, and his heart.

Oh, his heart.

Sanghyuk smiles down at the blazing light in his hands. It’s so brilliant he thinks he might go blind. Beneath the light, he feels something beat steadily, warmly.

“Hello,” he whispers, trembling with excitement. “Do you remember me?”

The star glows, and his heart beats. His grin widens.

“I think it’s time we traded back to our proper selves,” he tells the star, and it seems to pulse in response. He hears a rustling, and he looks off to the side to see Jaehwan and the others standing a few feet away from him. They look stunned.

Sanghyuk searches for Jaehwan’s face, and when he meets the magician’s eyes, he smiles reassuringly at him. Instinctively, he already knows what to do. He’s ready for his heart now.

“Okay,” he murmurs, raising the star to his lips. “Let’s do this.”

The heat blazes against his mouth as he tips his palms towards him and swallows the star whole. The light disappears inside of him as the gulps, and it feels as though liquid warmth is running inside his body. It fills him up, makes him feel like he’s glowing, and just as a sharp pain makes him buck forwards with a cry, clutching at his chest, everything comes rushing back to him like a fast-forwarded film.

He sees himself meeting Jaehwan at the royal palace for the first time, sees Jaehwan’s beautiful fire magic dancing about in the night, and sees the very first smile that Jaehwan’s plump lips stretch into that made him fall in love without any reservations. He feels those lips press against his, hands resting on his waist, and feels the smooth expanse of Jaehwan’s naked back beneath his fingertips. He remembers going to the sea once, accidentally turning his hair orange and then letting it fade into gold, and remembers the times they’ve laughed and fought and held each other close.

The star’s light spills from his chest, escaping through his fingers until it leaps back into the sky, a beautiful sparkle of light against the darkness. He knows his love now, knows the precious nickname he calls his lover, and knows Jaehwan.

“Sanghyuk,” Jaehwan is shouting, his reaching towards Sanghyuk who’s collapsed onto the ground. “Sanghyuk? Are you okay? Are you—”

“Angel,” Sanghyuk gasps out, and Jaehwan freezes. “Jaehwan. Jaehwan, come here, please, angel, please.”

“Say that again,” Jaehwan whispers, half a plead and half a demand, and he falls into the grass as well. Tears fall quickly down Jaehwan’s cheeks, but his gaze is stead as he holds Sanghyuk.

“Angel,” Sanghyuk says again, and he’s crying just as hard as Jaehwan, clutching their hands close together as he sobs. “Angel, angel, you’re my angel, how could I have forgotten you?”

Jaehwan is crying in earnest now, huge tears leaking onto his face as rests their foreheads together. “But you remember,” he whispers. Sanghyuk nods frantically, and Jaehwan cries harder. “You remember me, that’s all I need, that’s all I ever wanted, oh my god. You’re back. Your heart is back.”

“I’m so sorry,” Sanghyuk chokes out, untangling his hands from Jaehwan’s so he could hold Jaehwan’s face. The explosion of warmth beneath his fingertips sets his heart on a desperate  _pitter-patter_  beat. He could finally hold the man he loved,  _feel_  the love inside of him. “I’m so sorry, please, Jaehwan, forgive me, I never meant for this to happen.”

“You fool,” Jaehwan nearly shouts, grabbing Sanghyuk by the wrists. “I waited for you for six years. There’s nothing to forgive, you big dumb brat. Just never scare me like that ever again, or I’ll wrangle you.”

“I won’t,” Sanghyuk laughs. He leans in and kisses Jaehwan again, and he thinks he might explode from the sheer amount of  _feeling_  between the two of them. He had no idea how much he missed it all until now. “Promise,” he adds as an afterthought, and feels Jaehwan smile against his lips when he leans in again.

“Good,” the magician replies. “I’ll hold you to it.”

+

 

+

He wakes to the smell of salt and fresh air breezing in through the open window. Squinting at the mid-morning sun streaming through the snow-white curtains, he yawns and roll over, lifting his arm and fumbling around the sheets. He stops when his fingers bump against Jaehwan’s thigh, and it makes Jaehwan groan, slowly coming back to consciousness as he props himself upright on his elbows.

“What’s the time?” he mumbles, gazing sleepily at Sanghyuk. Sanghyuk grins and pushes Jaehan’s fluffy hair back from his forehead, and then lets it all fall back down at the same time.

“Dunno. Mid-morning?” Sanghyuk asks, nodding towards the window. “I don’t think noon’s come by yet.”

“Good,” Jaehwan hums, shaking his bangs back. “We’ve got a lot of sightseeing to do.”

“I’m sure that can wait,” Sanghyuk teases, rolling over so that his front is pressed against Jaehwan’s side. He gathers Jaehwan up into his arms, ignoring the indignant grumbling, and presses a smacking kiss onto Jaehwan’s cheek.

“Aw, gross, Hyukkie.”

“You love it,” Sanghyuk accuses cheekily, and Jaehwan sticks his tongue out. Grinning, Sanghyuk lowers his head and kisses Jaehwan’s shoulder, laughing when he feels Jaehwan squirm, and finally pushes Jaehwan over so he could properly kiss his lover good morning.

“...you’re heavy,” Jaehwan mumbles, cheeks surprisingly pink when they pull away from each other. Sanghyuk beams down at him.

“I just wanna stay close to you,” he hums, nuzzling into Jaehwan’s neck. “Is that okay?”

The words are breathed against Jaehwan’s pulse, which flutters and skips and seems just as erratic as Sanghyuk’s own. Jaehwan’s hand comes up and curls into the hair at the back of his neck as the other trails down Sanghyuk’s abdomen, further and further down, and Sanghyuk can’t hold back the huge smile on his face.

It’s incredible to feel Jaehwan again, the warmth of their two bodies pressed together in close proximity, and as Sanghyuk watches Jaehwan moan and writhe beneath him, a little smile curling the corners of his mouth as tears gather at the corners of his eyes at the intensity of it all, he’s still pretty sure his heart can’t completely keep all the love he feels for Jaehwan from spilling out of it.

Still, he thoroughly enjoys feeling the steady beat from the now-filled cavity.

It’s late morning when he steps out onto the patio after his shower. Jaehwan is leaning against the iron railings, wind tossing his hair about as he watches the bustling life of the harbour. Sanghyuk walks up behind him and wraps both arms around Jaehwan’s waist, and in turn, Jaehwan turns and presses a kiss to the spot above Sanghyuk’s heart before he reclines into the embrace.

Sanghyuk drops his chin onto Jaehwan’s shoulder and inhales deeply.

“You were right. It is beautiful out here.”

He feels rather than hears Jaehwan’s laugh. “Told you,” Jaehwan says, lacing their fingers together. “But don’t get too comfortable just looking at it. There’s plenty more places we’ll have to go together.”

Sanghyuk closes his eyes and sways them lightly to an unheard melody. “Lead the way, angel,” he hums, smiling. He hears the sounds of the gulls, hears the sounds of the waves lapping against the docks, and knows that out there in the rolling waters are the little sailboats bobbing about on the surface and a whole new world swimming below.

And far beyond them, sparkling blue and white, is the sight of the gentle sea and an endless horizon that makes you feel like you can go on forever, and ever.

**Author's Note:**

> this started out as Hyuk and Ken studying to become magicians, but somehow, we ended up here, lol...
> 
> thank you for reading!


End file.
